phew. here i go again.

I am going to give this another try. Clearly, I have not kept up with it like I promised myself. I have continued to struggle with my completing my second draft which I think is why I really let this go. Who wants to read a weekly blog about someone not writing their book? The constant writer’s block and lack of confidence in my writing really got the better of me. When I start questioning everything I write then nothing ever gets done. The longer nothing gets done, the worse I feel about myself and the harder I am on myself for not doing it. The longer this lasts the less likely I am going to pick up my book and start writing again. I finally decided to just give my first draft with all my notes I made and the few pages of updates to one of my sisters to read through. She has been bugging me to read it since I finished the first draft and I didn’t want to give it to her before the second was done but clearly I need someone to give me a push. Now I am just waiting till she finishes it. Then I am going to make her talk it out with me. I have been having a hard time translating the story from my head onto paper and I am hoping having someone to talk it through with will help me get moving again. That’s the hope anyway.

In other news, I am still broke and working two jobs haha. I have almost gotten to a point where I am not totally miserable with my meds for my auto immune thing. I still have a good days and bad days. But the bad days are starting to come around less. I am hopeful they will continue to show up less and less. Being gluten free has been depressing. But I have lost a lot of weight and it has helped with my inflammation. I take my anti inflammatory medicine less frequently. I also drink much less frequently. Both of those things probably make my liver happy. It is very hard to be gluten free though. I miss a lot of foods. I still allow myself to cheat from time to time. I try to do it rarely though because it does make me feel icky and then my joints are stiff for a week or so after. For someone who likes to write by hand, having stiff fingers kind of makes that difficult.

I’ve also started fostering kittens. I just started and have only had one batch but it went well and I am about to get a second. Playing with kittens can be a good stress relief and I am helping to save lives. I figured, I can’t afford to donate any of my money but I can donate my time and space and give these poor babies a roof over their heads and someone to love them till they find their forever home. Plus, I’ll have endless kittens. Who doesn’t love kittens, right? Even my cat, who did not used to be a fan of other cats, broke down and was playing with the last kitten. I think this will be good for him and help him warm up to the idea of some day having another cat. Maybe I just sneak in an adopt dont shop agenda into my book hahah.

What else? oh yea! Ireland is officially booked! Well the plane tickets have been purchased and most of the hotels have been booked. I am so excited! Sept 24 can’t get here soon enough! Of course, I still need to save up a chunk of money so it can hold off a little longer so I can do that haha. I bet the plane ride over will be a good time to try and write! I won’t have anywhere to go for 12 hours and not many distractions. I will have to fill my phone with classical music, get some good headphones and get myself in the zone.

Okay, I am going to go ahead and wrap this up because I have diverted a bit from talking about writing. But now you are all caught up, sort of. Fingers crossed I will get caught up on my writing! Should I make a list for old times sake?

To Do or Don’t, I’m just a list:

  • Start reading again! 1 book a month minimum!
  • Start doing writing exercises- 1 a week minimum
  • Work on my book;  Write something new at least once a week
  • Start focusing on the positives in your life
  • Figure out what you want to be when you grow up

 

Those are good for now 🙂 let’s see if I can keep up with that.

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33 for even more thrilling posts and tweets. You know want to.

 

 

Advertisements

Remember Me?

New year, same ol me. I am still pushing myself to get this book finished. I am still trying to get my auto immune disorder under control so I can function like a normal person. I am still trying to get my house together and be an adult. I am still working 2 jobs to pay off debt that I am starting to think will never really go away. I will be 30 in 6 weeks. I gotta say, the “woe is me” is really hitting me hard these days. The only light is in September I will be going to Ireland. I don’t have a plane ticket or any reservations made but I will do it. If I accomplish nothing else this year, Ireland still has to happen.

Whenever I start wallowing I have a harder time being productive. I’ve been having a harder time getting out of the wallowing too. I don’t know what it is. I am always tired, I never feel 100% well. Something is always hurting. I feel stuck. I need to make more money. I need to not work 2 jobs anymore. I want my weekends back. I’m afraid to get a new job because of my illness. What if they aren’t as understanding? What if I don’t get a work from home day anymore? What if the insurance they offer doesn’t cover what I need? Then I wonder if I am just using my being sick as an excuse to not move forward in my life? Being the new girl is scary, what if no one likes me? What if I don’t like my new coworkers? What if I’m not able to keep up? What if it’s too hard and my new boss is a jerk? But what if none of that is that case? What if I find a job I can work from home and they pay me enough to quit my second job? What if everyone is super nice and understanding and I have room to grow and move up in the company and potentially make even more money? I deserve to make more money. I work hard. I do a lot. I actually care about my job. Which is more than I can say about some people. I would like to stay in the customer service field because I am good at it. But what else is there to do? I need to figure out what else I can do, what else I would be good at. Maybe if I find a lower stress job I would actually be able to create again and would write more. Maybe I need help.

That’s a lot of what ifs and maybes.

Well, for starters, I need to make one of my much loved lists.

2018: To Do

  • Write Everyday
  • Finish Book
  • Ireland
  • New job
  • Quit job #2
  • Create more
  • Save more 

I promise my posts wont all be this lame.

Maybe by 2019 I won’t be such a whiny mess…

 

 

 

Tired.

d935a8edae033727cbd565d8ba324835--quote-meme-funny-stuff

As you know, 8/31 was the day I chose for my second draft to be finished. Well, it is and it isn’t. I have gone through and read the entire thing and made my notes of what needs to be changed. I have also then gone back through, page by page, and worked on those corrections. That being said, they are all hand written and not typed up yet so I am not sure if that counts as being finished or not. Thoughts?

I also didn’t get my office/gym/studio 100% finished like I planned. But I made a lot of progress and got my desk put together so really I just need to get everything organized and decorate and I will be done. Not too bad. I also need to find a chair haha. Meh, details.

Overall, I am just extremely exhausted and it has taken me all day to even right this teeny tiny post. I feel like I need another vacation where I don’t do anything except sleep and lounge around. All this productivity is wearing me out. I think I am going to try and learn to sleep with my eyes open for this last hour of work. Wish me luck.

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33 for even more thrilling posts and tweets like this one…hey, they can’t all be winners.

 

Elaborate all the things!

So I have been working on and off on my revising. Some days go better than others. I haven’t even made it half way through yet. But I am taking the time to elaborate all the parts I noted that needed more to them. There are a lot of places that I just kind of wrote the gist of it in order to move forward so coming back to those is sometimes a lot of work. Although, I must say, I am struggling less with writer’s block and more with my exhaustion. It is almost as if my eyes and brain are so worn out that when I should be writing, it is easier to zone out scrolling through facebook or adding things to my amazon wish list so I just do that instead. I thought for sure I was past that laziness taking over part but I guess it is still going strong and lingering.

I have also been working to clean up any plot holes I came across in my first read through. I have notes spread all over the place. In my phone, on scraps of paper that were closest to me at the time, anywhere and everywhere. I’ve got to sit down and get them all into one place so I don’t lose anything.

One thing I haven’t worked too much on yet, is the accuracy. I got all these book from the library and have been carrying them around with me everywhere I go but so far, I haven’t even used them. I have another week and half before they are due back and I can probably just re check them out online so there is no rush to use them but I guess I thought I would be ready for them at this point. I guess I will just have to keep carrying them around with me because I know as soon as I don’t have them, I will need them and then I will use not having them as an excuse not to work. I’ve got to always be sure that I can block any excuse I may come up with. We all know I am full of them.

On the plus side, I have officially started the plans for my new office/studio! I start the beginning stages tomorrow and by Monday, it should be all set and ready for use! Fingers crossed that actually happens! It depends a lot on my creativity and what I already have that can be re-purposed. Lucky for me, I have a creative sister and a creative friend who have agreed to help me with this project and between the three of us, I think we can pull it off. I am pretty excited about it. It will be great to have a space to work at home where I am comfortable but not too comfortable.  I have been talking about creating this space for so long, I can’t wait until it is finally finished.

Okay, I know I haven’t written much here today but I feel like I am using this as an excuse not to work on my revisions so I am going to wrap this up and get back to it.

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33 to hear about all the ups and downs of writing a book.

Time to Revise

21057628_10209428772625866_784631933_o

After taking the rest of last week off, I started fresh yesterday. My mom was able to print off my book at her office and she even hole punched it and put in a binder for me. I got my highlighters, my post its, and a good pen. I made it almost, if not, halfway through and I can see I have some work to do to get this book where I really want it. I will be back at it as soon as I finish this post. I’m lucky I have a good desk at work to use. I am also lucky to be able to work on my book at the office. As long as I make sure I am doing my actually work above all else, I can work on my book on the side. Once I have gone through the entire thing and made my notes, I will start working to make the needed changes. I have given myself a new deadline of 8/31 to finish this second draft.

No more dragging my feet. No more excuses. This book is getting finished one way or another.

Obviously, I don’t think it will be done and ready to go after this first revision. Once this revision is done, I will need to start focusing on actual editing. Punctuation, grammar, sentence structure. I will need some outside help with that.

Honestly, I have no idea how long it will take to revise this. I am not even sure how many times it will need to be done. I guess I could hop onto google and get an idea on how many times it takes other people. Obviously, it is different for everyone but maybe if I could get a general idea of how long this should take it will help me get an idea for when I may be finished. Or give me a date to work towards anyway.

I was also able to get those books from the library to use as references which will be good. I think they will be very helpful in this part of the revision. I have already found some spots I need to check for accuracy and some scenes that could stand some elaboration and these books will help a lot with that. (At least, I think they should).

21037675_10209428773065877_777316053_o

 

I still haven’t managed to create a good working space at home…I’ve started keeping my eyes peeled for a free desk since spending money on a desk just isn’t in the budget right now (which I am sticking to very nicely, by the way). Hopefully, with it being the end of the month here soon, people will be putting stuff out on their curbs for big trash and maybe a desk or two will be up for grabs. That would be convenient. Tomorrow, I will try and get a space prepared in my house so that when I do find the desk, I have some where ready to put it. There are a couple places that could work, but I will need to do some moving around for sure. Nothing I can’t handle though.

This post is gunna be a bit short today, I’m ready to get back to my book. Isn’t that exciting? 🙂

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33 to keep up with when this book of mine will finally be finished!

 

Deadline Day

So, deadline day is here. I’ve been working really hard to actually meet this one.

I still had a lot to do yesterday and had zero motivation during the day. I think I wrote one sentence. When I got home from work, I pulled out a legal pad and a pen and got to work. I didn’t turn the T.V. on, I put my phone on silent and out of sight, and I started writing. I wrote until my wrist and hand were screaming at me to stop and then I kept writing. Around midnight:30 I wrote the big climax! With no real set time to finish today, I decided it was okay to get some sleep and finish up the rest in the morning.

grantsnider

So when I go to work, after I did all of my work stuff, I started typing. I typed up everything I had written last night and then I kept going until it was finished. My first draft is actually, finally fucking finished!!!!

I have got to say, I never imagined getting to this point. No matter how many pep talks I have given myself, I still had a really hard time picturing getting to the end. I know this is just the first draft and I am no where near being published but now, now I can actually go through and start really making it into what I know it can be. I’ve got some books on hold at the library (yes, library! no more nonessential spending remember?) And I will use them to help me work on all of the technical things that I need to go back over. Once I have gone through and flushed out the scenes that need it and corrected any errors I may have in my details, then I will sucker in my friends to help me edit it. I already know I will need help with sentence structure and punctuation. I was never great at that. I have always just written how I think or talk, never paid much attention to the technicalities. But that is okay. It will get done and who knows, maybe by this time next year, I will actually have a book I can hold in my hand…maybe. I don’t really know the time span of publishing a book. I am certain it takes a long ass time if I manage to find an agent and publisher.  If I self publish, it probably will be less time consuming because I will get to make all the decisions and won’t have to deal with negotiating contracts and what not. Of course, I am extremely indecisive so doing it myself and having complete control over what happens from here may take me a long time to make all the decisions. haha

Shit, my book doesn’t even have a name. I don’t even want to begin to think about that process! The name and the book cover. It will all come together though, I am sure of it.

Now that my book as a beginning, a middle, and an end I think polishing it up will be easier than I think. Of course, I say that now and then in 6 months I will be bitching about I feel like it is too short or too long or too whatever.

For your sake, and mine, I hope that isn’t the case.

Before I even start worrying about that part though, I need to focus on getting it polished up. I am pretty excited. I am feeling very proud of myself right now. I think I am going to step away from my book for a a couple of days before I dive back into it. Maybe I should print it off so I can mark it up as I read. I am not a fan of making the notes directly in word for some reason. It just feels weird. Of course, printing it off may be pricey so we will see. I wonder how much it costs to print things at the library?

Anyway, time to give myself a little break. I will take a short break and be back at it soon.

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33

Shoveling Sand

So I have 7 days before my self imposed deadline I set for my first draft.

Having this deadline has really helped me a lot when it comes to working through writer’s block. Normally I wouldn’t have chosen such a short time but normally it is a deadline I 100% control and no one else is holding me to it. For this one, I promised someone I would have it for them to read through on 8/15. I really don’t want to let her down so it has helped keep me on track. I’ve got it highlighted on my calendar at work, I have it in my phone, I have told numerous people about it (including whoever is actually reading this blog) so when the day comes, I won’t be able to miss it. I do feel like I can do this. I am even writing at home which hasn’t always been easy for me.

That being said, I have not written much today. But with the deadline looming, I can tell I will push myself more so than I usually do.

One thing that I have been struggling with the past week is getting distracted by research. I had my first bloody kill scene and I wanted to be sure every detail was correct. So, I hit the interwebs and started searching. I gotta say, if someone were to look at my search history right now, they may be a little concerned. Anyway, I start searching and then all of a sudden, it has been 3 hours and I haven’t written the scene yet. I need to start focusing on writing. I can always go back and correct or add details after I have gotten to the end. I need to be moving the story along right now more than anything. Does anyone else run into that problem? Where you try so hard to make it perfect the first time around that they can’t seem to get it done? I find I run into this with my painting a lot. Obviously, messing up a painting is more of a pain in the ass to fix than messing up my writing but it’s the same concept. It’s almost like, I am so afraid of negative feedback (I am my own worst critic) that I overdo and over think in order to avoid it. What I need to do is get better at accepting all feedback as positive even if it is someone saying I need to fix something I thought was right but really it is wrong. I think that is partially why I was drawn to working on that fantasy book. It has vampires in it, I can do whatever I want. The world can function however I want because it isn’t the same universe as the one we live in right now.

Speaking of the fantasy book. I REALLY need to get that typed up. Most of it is handwritten in a journal. I will add that to my to do list.

I made a list yesterday of all the things that still need to happen in my first story. It isn’t very long. That is a good sign. I really am making progress and should be proud of myself for that. Then I sat on the porch with my sister and talked about the book. Talked about what’s happening so far, what still needs to happen, and what I need to do to get there. It’s cool because she really enjoys hashing out the story line with me. Last night, she went off on a whole thing and I thought it was good. I liked the idea. But then I start to worry, can I write that now? I feel like it would be a cop out because I didn’t come up with it. She said she barely did anything that I still have to do all the work to make it actually flow but I don’t know.

How do you handle brainstorming sessions with other people? I really need/enjoy the out loud discussions of where the story is and where I want it to be. It helps me work through the scenes and stay excited about writing. Most of the time, it is me doing all the talking and then my sister adds input but last night it was all her. I didn’t have much input but I did like what she had. So what are the rules there? Is it lazy for me to take that idea and fit it into my story even though I didn’t really come up with it? How much of an idea is free game? Also, at what point do her ideas over throw my own? What if I’m no longer writing the book how I wanted it?

Blerg!

So many questions. So many things to get stuck on and procrastinate. We know I am the queen of procrastinating when it comes to this damn book. You know what? I am not going to spend anymore time thinking/worrying about that. I am going to continue writing. I will write until the story is finished. Then, and only then, can I start worrying about whose ideas were whose and which details about the dead body are accurate. I can make any changes I want, I just have to have something to work with first.  What is that thing about you can’t build a sand castle without a bunch of sand or something? I don’t know. Basically I need all the stuff to start with. The more stuff the better. From that, I can shape it to be whatever I want it to be. Because it is my book. I decide what happens. That doesn’t mean I still don’t need help along the way. I really appreciate all the people who have listened to me bounce ideas off them or helped me find a word. I couldn’t do this alone. I am lucky I don’t have to.

5db4823b151024908387d28c4d285950--on-writing-writing-quotes

Found it!

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33