So I have 7 days before my self imposed deadline I set for my first draft.
Having this deadline has really helped me a lot when it comes to working through writer’s block. Normally I wouldn’t have chosen such a short time but normally it is a deadline I 100% control and no one else is holding me to it. For this one, I promised someone I would have it for them to read through on 8/15. I really don’t want to let her down so it has helped keep me on track. I’ve got it highlighted on my calendar at work, I have it in my phone, I have told numerous people about it (including whoever is actually reading this blog) so when the day comes, I won’t be able to miss it. I do feel like I can do this. I am even writing at home which hasn’t always been easy for me.
That being said, I have not written much today. But with the deadline looming, I can tell I will push myself more so than I usually do.
One thing that I have been struggling with the past week is getting distracted by research. I had my first bloody kill scene and I wanted to be sure every detail was correct. So, I hit the interwebs and started searching. I gotta say, if someone were to look at my search history right now, they may be a little concerned. Anyway, I start searching and then all of a sudden, it has been 3 hours and I haven’t written the scene yet. I need to start focusing on writing. I can always go back and correct or add details after I have gotten to the end. I need to be moving the story along right now more than anything. Does anyone else run into that problem? Where you try so hard to make it perfect the first time around that they can’t seem to get it done? I find I run into this with my painting a lot. Obviously, messing up a painting is more of a pain in the ass to fix than messing up my writing but it’s the same concept. It’s almost like, I am so afraid of negative feedback (I am my own worst critic) that I overdo and over think in order to avoid it. What I need to do is get better at accepting all feedback as positive even if it is someone saying I need to fix something I thought was right but really it is wrong. I think that is partially why I was drawn to working on that fantasy book. It has vampires in it, I can do whatever I want. The world can function however I want because it isn’t the same universe as the one we live in right now.
Speaking of the fantasy book. I REALLY need to get that typed up. Most of it is handwritten in a journal. I will add that to my to do list.
I made a list yesterday of all the things that still need to happen in my first story. It isn’t very long. That is a good sign. I really am making progress and should be proud of myself for that. Then I sat on the porch with my sister and talked about the book. Talked about what’s happening so far, what still needs to happen, and what I need to do to get there. It’s cool because she really enjoys hashing out the story line with me. Last night, she went off on a whole thing and I thought it was good. I liked the idea. But then I start to worry, can I write that now? I feel like it would be a cop out because I didn’t come up with it. She said she barely did anything that I still have to do all the work to make it actually flow but I don’t know.
How do you handle brainstorming sessions with other people? I really need/enjoy the out loud discussions of where the story is and where I want it to be. It helps me work through the scenes and stay excited about writing. Most of the time, it is me doing all the talking and then my sister adds input but last night it was all her. I didn’t have much input but I did like what she had. So what are the rules there? Is it lazy for me to take that idea and fit it into my story even though I didn’t really come up with it? How much of an idea is free game? Also, at what point do her ideas over throw my own? What if I’m no longer writing the book how I wanted it?
So many questions. So many things to get stuck on and procrastinate. We know I am the queen of procrastinating when it comes to this damn book. You know what? I am not going to spend anymore time thinking/worrying about that. I am going to continue writing. I will write until the story is finished. Then, and only then, can I start worrying about whose ideas were whose and which details about the dead body are accurate. I can make any changes I want, I just have to have something to work with first. What is that thing about you can’t build a sand castle without a bunch of sand or something? I don’t know. Basically I need all the stuff to start with. The more stuff the better. From that, I can shape it to be whatever I want it to be. Because it is my book. I decide what happens. That doesn’t mean I still don’t need help along the way. I really appreciate all the people who have listened to me bounce ideas off them or helped me find a word. I couldn’t do this alone. I am lucky I don’t have to.
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