Remember Me?

New year, same ol me. I am still pushing myself to get this book finished. I am still trying to get my auto immune disorder under control so I can function like a normal person. I am still trying to get my house together and be an adult. I am still working 2 jobs to pay off debt that I am starting to think will never really go away. I will be 30 in 6 weeks. I gotta say, the “woe is me” is really hitting me hard these days. The only light is in September I will be going to Ireland. I don’t have a plane ticket or any reservations made but I will do it. If I accomplish nothing else this year, Ireland still has to happen.

Whenever I start wallowing I have a harder time being productive. I’ve been having a harder time getting out of the wallowing too. I don’t know what it is. I am always tired, I never feel 100% well. Something is always hurting. I feel stuck. I need to make more money. I need to not work 2 jobs anymore. I want my weekends back. I’m afraid to get a new job because of my illness. What if they aren’t as understanding? What if I don’t get a work from home day anymore? What if the insurance they offer doesn’t cover what I need? Then I wonder if I am just using my being sick as an excuse to not move forward in my life? Being the new girl is scary, what if no one likes me? What if I don’t like my new coworkers? What if I’m not able to keep up? What if it’s too hard and my new boss is a jerk? But what if none of that is that case? What if I find a job I can work from home and they pay me enough to quit my second job? What if everyone is super nice and understanding and I have room to grow and move up in the company and potentially make even more money? I deserve to make more money. I work hard. I do a lot. I actually care about my job. Which is more than I can say about some people. I would like to stay in the customer service field because I am good at it. But what else is there to do? I need to figure out what else I can do, what else I would be good at. Maybe if I find a lower stress job I would actually be able to create again and would write more. Maybe I need help.

That’s a lot of what ifs and maybes.

Well, for starters, I need to make one of my much loved lists.

2018: To Do

  • Write Everyday
  • Finish Book
  • Ireland
  • New job
  • Quit job #2
  • Create more
  • Save more 

I promise my posts wont all be this lame.

Maybe by 2019 I won’t be such a whiny mess…