thinking about things but not actually doing the things

Can someone please stand behind me and smack me in the back of the head until I write? At this point, anything would be better than the nothing I have managed to get down. What in the hell is wrong with me? I always do this. I’m productive for a couple of weeks and then just fall flat. At least I know I am not the only person struggling to write….it should make me feel better but it doesn’t. I am hoping once I start sleeping again I will be able to focus again. Just gotta start sleeping again…easier said than done.

sorry, I just can’t do this today….twitter me? @AndytheWriter33

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I don’t wanna lie but I don’t wanna tell you the truth…

I’ve done it again.

Today is the first day I have written anything this week and my second draft deadline is quickly approaching. I am only hurting myself by not writing. April 1st will be here and if I have nothing to show for it then….I don’t know, I mean, like I said already. It will only hurt myself if I continue to put this off. The longer it takes me to write this book, the more chance someone else might do it first. What if by the time I finish there are too many books like this and no one will care for one more murder mystery? Is that possible? Will people ever get tired of murder mysteries? My luck, they will get tired of them right when I finish. Good thing I have a few other things on the back burner haha no for serious though that would be really upsetting. I should also really prepare myself for the fact that I don’t know if anyone actually gets their first book published do they? The again, I can always self publish…so yea the point of this train of thought is I better hurry up and finish this thing before someone else does!

But it has been a successful day. I am working on a scene where the main character learns to shoot a gun for the first time. Since I have only done this 2 times in my entire life and they were a hand full of years ago (yikes actually more like 2 hand fulls) I spent the first half of my day watching YouTube videos of other people going to gun ranges for the first time. I want to be sure I use the correct terms and descriptions. I am almost tempted to have one of my friends take me to a range so I can really see and feel what my character is feeling. Like my character, I have never been a fan of guns.

They make me uncomfortable and, not to get too political, they are entirely too easy for people to get. The thought that school shootings are so common now breaks my heart. School is hard enough as it is to get through socially. They shouldn’t have the added fear of “what if someone shows up with a gun today?” or the fear of going to any kind of large gathering or going to the mall, or even going to church for fucks sake! Anyway, I digress.

So, yea, I have been watching people shoot guns today. Even though I am not a fan of guns doesn’t mean a reader won’t be and I want to be sure I am as accurate as possible. I do not want to just try and go off the cuff with it. It’s also why I chose to watch videos of people shooting for the first time. That’s the visual I want to be able to portray. Not someone who has been shooting for years. Someone who is nervous and has no clue what it’s going to feel like when they pull the trigger that first time. For me, the first time I shot a gun, I was 18. My boyfriend at the time had recently gotten a gun and wanted me to know how to use it. I was nervous around guns then but not in the same respect as I am now. There weren’t as many mass shootings back then. I didn’t have the knowledge I have now. Even then, I could feel the power of it. When I pulled the trigger for the first time I actually teared up a bit after. It sounds lame but the thought that pulling that trigger could potentially take someones life away is a big feeling. It’s a huge deal. And the fact that it happens daily is terrible. Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to get back on that. It’s hard not to though. We live in such a weird scary time. Talking about guns is a big subject. Blek okay shaking that off. Where I meant to go with that was I can remember how nervous and over whelming shooting a gun was. But I don’t remember much after pulling the trigger that first time. Which is why I am considering giving it another shot…(okay, I swear that pun was not intended).

I feel like I need to end there because I am just going to keep going off on gun control and I am not trying to get political with this.

I’m gunna try and do some reading now. Harry Potter is currently trying to figure out what the second trial will be. He was just told to take his egg hint to the baths…will things get kinky for our main character??? Just kidding, I know they won’t, I’ve seen the movies. But I will say I am enjoying the books. Halfway through Goblet Fire. I need to hurry and finish because I am already behind on my reading challenge. I literally gave myself 2 books a month and I have 8 days to finish this one AND another one! Yea….that isn’t going to happen. Why am I the worst at meeting goals? I will have to read 3 books next month.

Follow me on twitter? @andythewriter33 at the very least, you will see when I make a blog post.

yea…about that…

Sooooo, I went to Vegas over the weekend. Didn’t get home till midnight Wednesday…needless to say, I have not yet met my “write 3 days a week” goal so I certainly have not met my “1,000 words a day” goal. BUT I had a lot of fun in Vegas and actually came home with a little extra money. woo woo!

Anyway, just because Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday are my usual writing days doesn’t mean they are my only days to write. I will get my writing done for today and then I will just have to write tomorrow and Saturday. Thems the breaks.

I am still having a hard time with dialogue. I feel like when I read what I’ve written it feels so robotic. Like, I’ve never heard anyone speak before. I have been trying to throw myself even more into Harry Potter because there is so much dialogue I am hoping I can get a better feel for what it should look like. I talk everyday. A lot. It shouldn’t be this hard, should it?

Okay, here is the thing. I don’t really know what else to write in here today. I feel like from here on out, it will lapse into the usual. Which I do not want to do. At the instruction of my good friend, who is a college professor, I should tell a story. So here is what I am going to do. Today will be the first installment of “Fact or Fiction?” I will tell you a story from my life. You will tell me if it happened or not. You ready? Here we go…

Fact or Fiction?  “Mamma Bear”

The year was 2010. I was in my 4th year of college at Sam Houston State University. I was headed to The Fox (one of the 4 bars in town) with my best friends, Kelsey and Haley.

When we got there, we went straight to the bar to see Pat, our best friend who was also a bartender (side note/life lesson: always make friends with your bartenders).

After getting our drinks we started the hunt for the perfect table. Before we even made it to the other side of the bar, a friend of Kelsey’s, let’s call him Peter, stopped to chat. I stood there while they talked and made the appropriate responses to whatever it was they were talking about. Solving the worlds problems, I am sure. Haley continued on to find a table. Then, as quickly as it had started, the conversation was over, a quick hug between Peter and Kelsey and Peter was on his way. It was all innocent enough.

We dawdled at the edge of the bar for a bit trying to see if we could spot any cute boys. The bar is still pretty dead at this point so there isn’t many to see. As we are getting ready to go find Haley, a girl comes walking by us and shoulders Kelsey so hard she almost falls over. This, of course, triggers Kelsey and an argument ensues.

I am being handed jewelry, glasses, high heels as Kelsey gears up for what may or may not be anything. Soon enough, Peter comes running up and intervenes. This girl, is his girl friend. She did not appreciate that Kelsey was talking to her boyfriend and had the audacity to hug him! Peter and I are able to quell the situation and he takes her back to their table. We start to look for Haley again, only to find her at the table right next to Peter, his girlfriend, AND her mother. Dirty looks are given but for the most part, it stays calm. Kelsey shakes it off and we aren’t taking it seriously any longer.

Later that evening, Kelsey gets up to go to the restroom. I notice girlfriend and mother exchange some words and follow her. I point it out to Haley and we decide it’s best if we also follow.

The girls bathroom was chaos, as usual. Out of the 8 stalls at least 1 is permanently out of order, one has a girl throwing up, one stall without a door, one toilet over flowing. The line is so long it is going out of the bathroom and the standing room in the bathroom leaves much to be desired.

Right away, I can see Kelsey about 4 girls ahead of us and behind her is the girl friend, and the mom. As we move closer to the stalls, it gets kind of clustered and Kelsey is looking down at her phone. A stall opens up and before Kelsey even notices, the mother cuts her in line and jumps in the stall. The next thing I know I hear Haley yelling up the line, “Kelsey, are you in line? Because Mamma Bear just cut you!”

We can’t help ourselves, we are all laughing. Turns out however, Mamma Bear did not like her new nickname and is waiting to tell us off when we exit the bathroom. At this point, none of us are angry and we are just laughing at this adult woman screaming at us. One of us muttered, “Guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” This was also not appreciated by Mamma Bear who in turn, finds the bar manager and has us kicked out for threatening her!

She did at least get herself and her daughter kicked out as well and they insisted on having someone walk them to their car in case we “attacked them in the parking lot!”

The whole thing was ridiculous, and while it wasn’t the only time I have ever been kicked out of a bar, it was the only time I have been kicked out of a bar for getting a fight with someones mother.

Image result for mamma bear

Guess who wrote 1,000 words today? It still counts even if it isn’t 1,000 in my book right? I’ll get there. Only so many days till April 1st…

Still struggling with Twitter. You should still follow me though, one of these days I will post and you won’t want to miss it! @AndyTheWriter33

holding myself accountable

Image result for writer quotes about writing

Okay, so I DID actually get all my hand written re-writes typed up and into my second draft. But I didn’t do it by Jan 31…

I HAVE been sticking to my writing 3 days a week. But it isn’t always 1,000 words.

As usual, my writing has slowed down now that I am at the point where I need to write 100% fresh again. I still insist on working on it though. If I am not working on it, I am thinking about it and talking about it. I hope my friends/family aren’t easily annoyed. I just feel like if I keep talking about it and telling people my goals and deadlines then maybe I can hold myself accountable for what I need to get done.

How embarrassing would it be to spend my entire life working on and talking about my book only to never finish it?

Part of my reasoning for writing this blog was to keep me accountable. Up until now, it hasn’t done that so much. But, like I mentioned before, I have turned over a new leaf. I am looking at this as more of a job than a hobby. A hobby is something you try and make time for but a job is something you HAVE to do. I already have 2 jobs, what difference will a third make? Looking at it this way, has made me stick to it. I will say, I have struggled today to start working on it. Usually, by this point in the day I have been working on it for a minimum of 3 hours. Of course, this is all in between my actual job that is currently paying me. That will always have to come first which is what stretches out my writing but that is part of life. You gotta do something to pay the bills in the mean time, right? I am lucky enough to work somewhere that allows me to work on my book at all. Job#2 would be impossible for me to overlap working on my book since I am not conveniently already sitting at a desk in front of a computer.

Other things you ask? I’m staying on top of my reading so far this year. I am on the 4th Harry Potter book. Almost half way through. I am enjoying them more than I thought I would. It’s also helpful for me to read other peoples writing so I can get a better idea of what a book should look like. Reading has always been a useful tool for me in that aspect. I didn’t do so much of it last year which is probably why I didn’t do so much writing last year. Reading what other people have done gives me hope. It makes me picture someone sitting at their desk reading my book someday. Such a cool picture.

Omg. I keep getting distracted! I have been writing this on and off for way too long! I am going to go ahead call it for now.

Check back next week to see if won it big in Vegas and can quit all my jobs except for writing! (that’s the dream right?)

I’m also considering live tweeting my travels to Vegas since I will be bored and alone. Keep an eye on my twitter @AndytheWriter33 to see what I can come up with!

2nd Draft Deadline?

So I have spent the past 2 days working on my 2nd draft. Currently, I am trying to get everything I have already done typed up and in one place rather than scattered about on separate pieces of paper. Turns out, this has not been as easy as I previously assumed it would be. I had it in my head I would spend an afternoon typing all this stuff up and then get to work writing more. Apparently, I am not capable of blindly typing up stuff I have written a year ago that now bothers me. I keep getting held up re-writing. It is almost like I am working on my 3rd draft and my 2nd drat simultaneously. I did initially give myself till today to get it all typed up and, while I do still have some hours left in the day, I am going to have to stop soon so I can do other things. My co worker says I should stop giving myself unrealistic deadlines that discourage me when I don’t make them. (I gave myself this deadline with 2ish weeks left in the month. I feel like, realistically, that should have been plenty of time. But I do know myself better than that. As does she, apparently haha!) Anyway, so far this year, I have accomplished all the goals I have set for myself so if it means I have to just type when I get home tonight and have free time then I guess I will just have to do that. I am an adult, I want to finish this book. It’s not going to happen if I keep putting it off. We all know I am excellent at making excuses for myself.

In other news, I have decided on April 1st as my deadline for the 2nd draft to be done. If I can keep up with my goal of writing 3 days a week then this should be plenty realistic. Who knows, maybe I will even finish sooner? We will see. I have faith in myself. I think…Yes, I do!

Other things going on in my life? I am about to make my annual trip to Vegas! That should be fun. We didn’t go last year so it will be nice to see everyone together again. I’ll be going to California end of June for a wedding. And then, drum roll please, my sister and I are taking my nephew to London end of July! Apparently, after going to Ireland we are hooked on world travel. It is making money very tight this year though. Which is probably why I have managed to stick to so many of my goals so far. I have no money to go out and do anything else so I have been hiding away at home saving money and being productive. Who knows, maybe I will win it big in Vegas next weekend! Fingers crossed!

Check back next week to see if I succeeded at my goal for the month! Is the suspense killing you? It’s killing me!

Also, you can always follow my twitter @AndyTheWriter33 I am trying to post more there throughout the week. It’s a weird habit to start if you aren’t used to constantly sharing your every thought. Right? Well, anyway, sometimes I post things there. Check it out!

Jeeze. I’m the worst.

As expected, I have not been keeping up with this. Anyone surprised?

Why can’t I manage to follow through with this anymore? I’m stupid.

Oh well, no more promises. I will write when I write. I will try to write more.

Today, I am typing up my hand written edits from my second draft. I have high hopes it will help me push through and get going again so I can finish my second draft. I found a friend willing to read it who knows nothing about the story so I will have fresh eyes to tell me if it makes sense or not haha.

I also am going to finish reading The Handmaid’s Tale. I have been reading this damn book for months. And don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying it. It is a good book. I am the problem here. It’s me, not the book. As per usual, I can’t stay focused on a single thing for long enough to finish it. But I decided I am going to finally read Harry Potter because my niece is reading it and I like to have things to talk with her about so I need to finish Handmaid’s Tale today. That will get done. I am more than halfway through so I know if I just sit and focus I can read it.

Focusing gets harder and harder every day. The past 3 weeks I have woken up at 4am every day. I don’t know why and I can’t figure out how to stop. I am pretty much at a point where I am always tired. The more tired I am, the less I want to do anything. It makes everything so much harder. So for now I am just gunna try and push through it. I started taking melatonin but so far it hasn’t done the trick. Just another thing to learn to deal with. Add it my list…

In other news, I entered one of my foster kittens into a pet contest on Imgur. His name was Flynn and he was a sweet little weirdo kitten that stole my heart and was going to be a foster fail and stay with me. Unfortunately, he had a congenital birth defect and passed away. It was very hard for me and I still tear up thinking about him. I decided I wanted to have a portrait made of him and in my search for someone to do it, I came across this contest. The winner gets a pet portrait done of their pet and a $500 donation to a pet charity of their choice. I know the group I foster for could really use this money so I entered my little Flynn into this contest. It is open for voting and submissions until 8/19. At the moment, Flynn is high enough to possibly get noticed when judging starts but he has slowed down considerably. I don’t normally ask this stuff of people but if you are reading this and you have Imgur (you have to have an account to vote) if you wouldn’t mind popping over and giving him an upvote I would really appreciate it. He was a special little kitten and I would love to be able to do something good in his name.

https://imgur.com/t/petshow/VSZdTad

https://imgur.com/gallery/wi3dbEk

 

Okay, I am going to stop staring at this blinking cursor and just end this post so I can start working on other things.

Feel free to follow me here and on twitter @AndytheWriter33 for more dull posts that come through at random intervals.

Here’s a picture of my current foster kitten, Kumquat. He’s cute and a Polydactyl! A very unique and cuddly kitten looking for his home!

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phew. here i go again.

I am going to give this another try. Clearly, I have not kept up with it like I promised myself. I have continued to struggle with my completing my second draft which I think is why I really let this go. Who wants to read a weekly blog about someone not writing their book? The constant writer’s block and lack of confidence in my writing really got the better of me. When I start questioning everything I write then nothing ever gets done. The longer nothing gets done, the worse I feel about myself and the harder I am on myself for not doing it. The longer this lasts the less likely I am going to pick up my book and start writing again. I finally decided to just give my first draft with all my notes I made and the few pages of updates to one of my sisters to read through. She has been bugging me to read it since I finished the first draft and I didn’t want to give it to her before the second was done but clearly I need someone to give me a push. Now I am just waiting till she finishes it. Then I am going to make her talk it out with me. I have been having a hard time translating the story from my head onto paper and I am hoping having someone to talk it through with will help me get moving again. That’s the hope anyway.

In other news, I am still broke and working two jobs haha. I have almost gotten to a point where I am not totally miserable with my meds for my auto immune thing. I still have a good days and bad days. But the bad days are starting to come around less. I am hopeful they will continue to show up less and less. Being gluten free has been depressing. But I have lost a lot of weight and it has helped with my inflammation. I take my anti inflammatory medicine less frequently. I also drink much less frequently. Both of those things probably make my liver happy. It is very hard to be gluten free though. I miss a lot of foods. I still allow myself to cheat from time to time. I try to do it rarely though because it does make me feel icky and then my joints are stiff for a week or so after. For someone who likes to write by hand, having stiff fingers kind of makes that difficult.

I’ve also started fostering kittens. I just started and have only had one batch but it went well and I am about to get a second. Playing with kittens can be a good stress relief and I am helping to save lives. I figured, I can’t afford to donate any of my money but I can donate my time and space and give these poor babies a roof over their heads and someone to love them till they find their forever home. Plus, I’ll have endless kittens. Who doesn’t love kittens, right? Even my cat, who did not used to be a fan of other cats, broke down and was playing with the last kitten. I think this will be good for him and help him warm up to the idea of some day having another cat. Maybe I just sneak in an adopt dont shop agenda into my book hahah.

What else? oh yea! Ireland is officially booked! Well the plane tickets have been purchased and most of the hotels have been booked. I am so excited! Sept 24 can’t get here soon enough! Of course, I still need to save up a chunk of money so it can hold off a little longer so I can do that haha. I bet the plane ride over will be a good time to try and write! I won’t have anywhere to go for 12 hours and not many distractions. I will have to fill my phone with classical music, get some good headphones and get myself in the zone.

Okay, I am going to go ahead and wrap this up because I have diverted a bit from talking about writing. But now you are all caught up, sort of. Fingers crossed I will get caught up on my writing! Should I make a list for old times sake?

To Do or Don’t, I’m just a list:

  • Start reading again! 1 book a month minimum!
  • Start doing writing exercises- 1 a week minimum
  • Work on my book;  Write something new at least once a week
  • Start focusing on the positives in your life
  • Figure out what you want to be when you grow up

 

Those are good for now 🙂 let’s see if I can keep up with that.

Don’t forget to follow me here and on Twitter @AndytheWriter33 for even more thrilling posts and tweets. You know want to.